We Could Have Had It All
by Zane's Girl- Jo
Summary: Allison sees Jo and Jack share a kiss the night she returns from the Astraeus mission. And she begins to realize what she lost. And who she'd lost... Set in the alternate universe.


**We Could Have Had It All**

**Rifiuto: Non ****Miriena**

******Summary: Allison sees Jo and Jack share a kiss the night she returns from the Astraeus mission. And she begins to realize what she lost. And _who_ she'd lost... Set in the alternate universe. **

"This is for you. We're all here. Good night."

She looked down at the picture- five people stood together under a sunny sky, not the normal stick figures, like other children's drawings. Silent, she left the room, shutting the door softly. As she made her way down the stairs, she returned her attention to the drawing Jenna had given her.

She recognized Carter and Jenna and Kevin and herself, but she couldn't figure out who the fifth person was.

It wasn't making sense.

She took her time moving down the stairs, going over in her head of who the fifth person could be. The door opened and closed in the distance, but she didn't pay any mind.

Finally, her mind landed on...

"Where's Allison?"

_Jo._

"She's... putting Jenna down." Jack replied, going to her. "How's... uh... Zane?"

"He'll be okay. I just... I can't believe that they're all back."

"Did you tell him?"

"I tried. I just... I... I couldn't." She said, a slight catch in her voice. Allison could see the worry cross Jo's face, and

He sighed. "I couldn't tell her either."

They shared an impish smile.

"We can't keep this a secret, Jack. Everyone knows-" She reasoned.

"I know. But not tonight. It's just too much." He interrupted gently. She nodded.

"So, I'm gonna stay at a friends, because this is all just... too... weird."

"Better get you some clothes... then."

"Sorry it was my turn to fold." She replied, taking the things he'd pulled out from beneath the couch pillows. "Thanks." He handed them too her with a smile, and she took them, a blush creeping into her cheeks. She shrugged. Then, to Allison's horror, she watched as Jack moved closer and took Jo's face in her hands. They stared into each others' eyes for several minutes.

Then, Carter leaned down and captured her lips in his.

Allison felt her heart constrict in horror of the sight of the love of her life and his deputy locking lips down in the living room. The sound of the kiss breaking stopped her breathing, and she watched them until they disappeared outside.

"We'll get through this." She nodded. "Come on, I'll walk you out."

Once the door was closed, Allison sank to the floor, sitting on the step, staring at the drawing. Now it all made sense. The unknown woman in Jenna's drawing was Jo._ Jo_ was taking care of Jenna, _Jo_ was working wtih Carter,_ Jo_ was... _kissing_ the love of Allison's life...

She felt like an outsider in her own life, and now, seeing Carter and Jo together, so intimate- as intimate as she herself had been with Carter- made her feel worse. She was a stranger, to her daughter, to her son, to the town, to Carter. And they had all moved on _without_ her...

She closed her eyes tight, telling herself that it was a dream. Just a dream, just a dream.

But when she opened her eyes, she was still in the house, still on the stairs, with the sight of Carter kissing Jo seared into her mind. It made her physically ill.

BUt then again, it all made sense. She'd been gone for so long- they all had- that it was only natural for them to move on with their lives. Start fresh, new jobs, new homes, new... _relationships_. Her heart constricted painfully. How was she supposed to _deal_ with this? With seeing _them_ together? Happy? Was she just supposed to sit back and let them live their happy little lives while she faded into the background?

Well, was she?

A sob escaped her throat at the realization of all she'd lost.

A life with Carter, a family. Watching Jenna grow up, seeing Kevin graduate and go off to college. Marrying Carter, spending the rest of their lives together. Now... now_ she_ was doing all that with him. _She_ was watching Jenna grow up,_ she_ had seen Kevin graduate and go off to college. _She_ had married Carter and was spending the rest of her life with him.

"Carter... Jack... _oh Jack._.. why did I decide to go on that _stupid_ mission? I should have stayed with you. _I should have stayed..."_

She broke down, burying her face in her hands, her tears dripping onto the drawing.


End file.
